Gaslighty: Red Light, Green Light

Dear AskMeg<3, my partner constantly gaslights me. although it mainly concerns small things it still hurts to feel so invalidated. it’s like when i communicate my feelings they hear me, but think it’s so dumb the only reaction they are capable of is being passive aggressive or rage that whatever i brought up is nonsense. help

Sincerely,

Anon

Dear Anon,

First off, your feelings are valid. I'm sorry you are being treated this way and feel this way.

I think you need to ask yourself, very seriously, how often they do this to you. Because if how you phrased it is true, "the only reaction they are capable of", then it doesn't sound worth it to stick around in my opinion.

It sounds like you're not being held safely in your relationship, and if that's the case you're probably also not having fun. Which is kinda the whole point of life... My concern also is where you said "mostly small things" are what they react to, but it implies not everything is small, and you may be minimizing your own feelings, simply because you have been told they're invalid bu someone you trust.

If you love this person you need to find a safe way to communicate that you are done being unheard. If they choose to not work on this, or gaslight you about gaslighting you, then it is unfortunately not a relationship for you.

That might sound harsh, but like that's not okay. The whole point of being in a relationship with someone is to have a person that you can go to for anything and be heard and understood, and enjoy life with. That's not at all what it sounds like here, so if they just don't change this behavior, then I would advise you do not continue being with them.

Also make sure you are being self aware as well, and that you are not reciprocating this behavior, as it is easy to do when you're frustrated. If you have something to counteroffer that you can both work on, they may take this news/ultimatum easier.

It's also just not a good feeling to be made that your opinions are dumb constantly, even if they are small conversations. It will eventually affect your mental health and image of yourself. You will feel more and more alone if you leave this problem unresolved...

Again, that's a tough situation, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. I hope this helps, feel free to submit any follow up questions! <3 Sincerely,

AskMeg<3