Relationship Anxiety: It's not you, it's me

Dear AskMeg<3 For some reason, every time I get close to being in a relationship I freak out and have to distance myself. No matter how much I like the person. I think it’s a fear of intimacy or a fear of losing myself. I don’t know how to combat this though. Have you ever felt this way?

Sincerely,

Cold Bitch

Dear Cold Bitch,

First off, writing "dear cold bitch" is really endearing to me. lol

Ok, seriously though, sounds like you got some trauma to deal with. Depending on how deep it is, you may want to seek therapy.

If that's not really your thing right now, totally get it. It can be scary. (there is a site called BetterHelp tho and u can literally text your therapist, or video call or whatever u want, plus switch therapists easy if u don't like yours. i have not used it but I recommend it to people who are scared to start.)

As for my own advice, I think you really just need to figure out why you do that. Did someone leave you high and dry? Friend, parent, someone you trusted, past relationship?

Divorce in your life? It could be a number of things.

But if you really like someone, and are tired of feeling like you're ruining relationships, try talking to them about your fears. Communication is key. For real. They can't help you if they don't know.

Make it clear that if you continue to be with them, they have to be patient and careful with you.

Relationships are great, yes you can get hurt, but you could also get hit by a bus. You're still gonna cross the street right? Cause you looked both ways.

Be cautious, but not closed off. You can let people be important to you, and still maintain boundaries and take care of yourself. Move as slowly as you want. And you're allowed to take steps back, too, if things get too intense for you. You don't have to cut someone off completely. Just be honest about how you feel and let them know if you need more space.

You got this. You deserve love and you deserve to be understood.

hope this helps!

xoxo,

AskMeg<3